Victoria Stuart
August 14, 2010

63 (or so) 'Random' Things About Victoria Stuart

1. Well, I might as well start with my biggest news, of late: In January 2009 my name was legally changed from Gregory R. Stuart to Victoria A. Stuart - I am male-to-female transgender (VictoriasJourney.com), living full-time as Victoria since the end of October, 2008. The "A." in my new name is for Anice (pronounced AN'-ĭce), which is Scottish for Grace (also Old English for Anne). I simply adore my new name!   ☺
   
   
   
2. Why "Victoria?" There are four (really good, I think) reasons:
   (a) I've always loved the name - so feminine;

   (b) I don't personally know anyone named Victoria and hence don't strongly associate the name with anyone else - it's "mine!"

   (c) I initiated my transition (actively) in Durham N.C.; Victoria is a keepsake of the place we moved to N.C. from (and loved), Victoria B.C.; and

   (d) Victoria B.C. is home of the Butchart Gardens (which are actually located slightly outside the city) - a sterile gravel quarry that was transformed, with much vision and effort - into world-class botanical gardens. These gardens provide a metaphor for my own physical, emotional and spiritual transformation, also the result of vision, focus, planning, and much effort.

3. I've always done well in school, with an interest in science and nature. I have a B.Sc. (Dalhousie University) in Biochemistry, a M.Sc. (University of British Columbia) in Occupational Health, and a Ph.D. (University of Victoria) in Biology (molecular genetics). I once completed four years of a Ph.D. programme (Biochemistry), then quit. I later returned to school, starting over, completing a M.Sc. and finally my Ph.D. While I'm quite proud of these accomplishments, they do not "define me;" I'm much more proud of the type of person I am, than what I've achieved in my personal and professional life. I wish that others (e.g. my family) would appreciate this.

4. I was a Fraternity President (1985 - 1986): Phi Kappa Pi Fraternity, Dalhousie University, Halifax N.S. I lived in our fraternity house twice, for a total of 3.5 years.

5. I met the person who would later become my wife (Susan) at the Fraternity House on New Year's Day, 1986. As President, I was on my best behaviour, greeting guests at the door. On New Year's Day, 2009 we had known each other 8,401 days! I keep track of this via an Excel spreadsheet that automatically calculates how long we have known each other (start and current date) - simple! On May 20, 2009 we were married 21 years (unfortunately, we broke up the following day). We were married (a very small wedding) in Halifax, and honeymooned in Old Quebec City, and Montreal. Although I don't dwell on the past, I've regret not having children - unfortunately, I learned early in 2009 that this was primarily due to interference from one Susan's sisters, around 2000 or so. Among other factors (my transition; outside family and religious interference; etc.), this contributed to the end of the (mostly wonderful) 23.5-year relationship between my my wife and I.

6. I grew up in Fall River, Nova Scotia, outside Halifax. We had a house, by itself, on a lake. We didn't have bikes and toys (unless we bought them ourselves - summer jobs, ...) but we did have animals, including at one time five horses, which was great.

7. My father and my second-youngest brother disowned me when I told them (early November 2008) that I was now living full-time as Victoria. My youngest brother and a very special aunt support me.

8. My mother was my best friend. A smoker, she died early in August 1993 due to lung cancer that later metastasized to the brain. A month later, I was run-down while on my bicycle in Vancouver, and spent 6 months on crutches. A "non-union), ultimately it required three operations (initial operation; operation to remove the brace; final operation to install a plate and to patch the tibial non-union with a bone graft) to resolve this injury, over 2 years or so.

9. My friends include *anyone* who is honest, sincere, humble and positive - I don't care who or what they are, or their past. I love interesting people. I chat with strangers, constantly - it's only by engaging people in conversation that do you learn something interesting and surprising or unexpected. Everyone has something to share; likewise, we can learn from anyone!

10. I don't gamble, but I do play the lottery. I've always had an intuition that we will win, big, one day! If I won crazy amounts of money, I would use it philanthropically, as I don't care that much about personal wealth beyond above a certain level of comfort and security.

11. I don't dwell on "negatives;" you can *always* learn or take something positive away from a negative situation. This applies to the end of my marriage - I came out of that a stronger, independent, fully self-supporting woman. I also sought psychotherapy (efforts at this previously had been devoted to my gender identity, and it's effect on my marriage) to deal with an issue that helped contribute to the end of my marriage - I'm always seeking ways to grow and improve.

12. Like my physical transition, I also underwent a change in employment. From 2001 - 2008 I was a research scientist at the National Institute of Environmental Health Sciences (NIEHS), a renowned U.S. Federal research laboratory) in North Carolina. In mid 2009 I became self-employed (Persagen Consulting) as a scientific consultant, an openly transgender female, with two U.S. federal clients. It's part-time, but pays well.

13. I'm very sensitive, caring and affectionate. I always try to be optimistic, cheerful, and concerned about others around me.

14. I've always been lucky, carefree and successful. I hope that this continues.

15. I try to be / live as honestly as possible: I don't drink, smoke, lie, cheat, steal, hold grudges, or expect something for nothing. If I found a large sum of money. I would return it without thinking about it. I'm free from guilt. It helps keep my life "uncomplicated."

16. Traits that I admire in myself and others include loyalty, independence / self-reliance, respect for privacy, compassion, empathy, humor, sensitivity, justice, compassion, patience, cleanliness / tidiness, ...

17. Despite the costs, I adore the person I've become. Every morning I awake thankful to be the person I truly am. It feels so right. I love my hair, how it's getting longer and thicker, and the changes in my body. I love the freedom to dress as I wish, free from societies' expectations in this regard. There's really nothing in my old (male) life that I miss.

18. I loved my wife, and never come close to cheating on her - ever. On our last trip (early November 2008: 7,500 miles over three weeks across North Carolina &rarr Nova Scotia &rarr Ontario &rarr backtrack under the Great Lakes and across the USA &rarr up to northern Alberta &rarr Vancouver British Columbia), we didn't argue - even once - and we hardly ever listened to the radio, CD player or tape player (maybe the equivalent of two CD's). We simply enjoyed each other's company, the trip, and conversation

19. Although not overtly religious, I believe in God. I say the Lord's Prayer, nightly, before I got to sleep. I respect religious diversity, and other points-of-view, regarding personal spiritual beliefs. Locally, I tend to favor the Unitarian Church.

20. I love "quality" - I don't care what it is. I'll always place quality before price.

21. Although I had been relatively private most of my life - except to my closest friends - I'm actually a "people person." I've never lived alone; I've always had roommates, e.g. university; my Fraternity; various apartments when I was single, or lived with Susan. Currently (September 2009), at age 48 this is the first time I've ever lived alone, since the end of May. I've gotten used to it, but I prefer living with someone (compatible).

22. I'm a "dog person" (and not at all a "cat person"). I always wished that I had a big, friendly, intelligent dog.

23. I love music (I have an acoustic guitar and a Selmer tenor saxophone) - jazz, blues, folk, rock, World music, tribal, some country, classical, books, movies, reality TV shows, science and nature documentaries, history, fashion, good (spicy) food, travel, ...

24. I bake my own bread (Challah; multi-grain) - though not as much, lately.

25. I simply love fashion, and I have always had excellent taste. I can look at something and instantly tell if it "works" (or not), and why - clothing, whatever. I subscribe to fashion magazines and study them (e.g. makeup application on the models; styles; etc.).

26. Although I was quite wild in my younger (university) days, I don't drink or smoke. I exercise regularly (~5 times weekly), and eat good, healthy food - including breakfast, lunch and dinner (plus light snacks).

27. I used to tan regularly (outdoors; sun bathing), but not for the past 15 years or so. Since my 30's, I generally try to avoid the sun.

28. During our 23.5-year relationship / 21-year marriage, my wife and I drove / criss-crossed North America on three separate trips: August 1992 (Nova Scotia to British Columbia via USA); April 2001 (B.C. to North Carolina via I-5 to San Diego / Los Angeles and the I-40 across the USA); November 2008 (N.C. back to B.C. via Canada, USA, and Canada once again). I love driving long distances, seeing new places, and eating in local diners, that provides the opportunity to visiting new places and meet interesting people.

29. I suffered from ulcerative proctitis (colitis) for most of my adult life. In 2003 it reached the point that I was (literally) dying - I lost 14 pounds in one week. After discussing options, I had my colon surgically removed at the Duke University Medical Center (I was an employee at the time), and had an ileostomy (pouch) for 9 months. It's completely resolved, and I'm perfectly healthy.
30. With my focus on health, especially since my transition, I feel twenty years younger than my biological age.

31. All of this contributes to my "life experience ..." I may write a book (autobiographical) one day. I tend to write copiously, and save everything. About a year ago, I sketched out a list of chapters and preliminary comments ... If I do, I'll use pseudonyms to protect the identities of friends and others. I think the journeys that Susan and I shared, with my other life experiences (transition, etc.), travels (e.g. Japan) will be interesting, especially to those seeking a better understanding of the transgender, including personal relationships.

32. I always wished to have an above-average impact on the world around me. One person can make a difference; for example, around mid-2008 I started a successful support group in North Carolina (the Durham Gender Alliance), that continues to grow and serve (currently - September 2009 - with 80+ Members!). I'm not sure what it is, yet (even at my age), but I've always felt that one day I'll accomplish something really substantial, positively impacting people and society.

33. I'm very liberal, but also somewhat conservative.

34. I love my name - Victoria, but I don't care - at all - for the common variations Vic, Vicky, or Vicki. A sales clerk once asked me if anyone ever calls me Tori (from vicTORIa), which I hadn't ever considered - I sort of like that version - Tori - but not that much - I only prefer "Victoria." Semi-ironically, one of my male fraternity nicknames was T-Roy, very similar to Tori! Like everything in my life, it all works out - funny about that! The next item is possibly related ...

35. Trained as a scientist, and very logical / methodical, I nevertheless believe in God, and karma (good / bad). I might as well add deja vu, while I'm at it. ;-) I might as well add deja vu, while I'm at it. ;-)

36. I have a great computer (I have been assembling my own systems for years)! Assembled in 2008, it is an Intel Duo Quad Core Q9300 CPU (each operating at 2.50 GHz), Intel motherboard, 4 GB RAM, two - 750 GB SATA II hard drives, a DVD burner, a Kensington Expert Trackball mouse, a multimedia keyboard, an Adesso wireless mini multimedia keyboard with trackball, a Hauppauge PVR-500 dual-tuner TV card, a Samsung 19" LCD monitor, and a Samsung T240HD 24" LCD monitor / HDTV with remote that serves both as a single, extended desktop and an HDTV television. I use the latest version of the Ubuntu Linux 64-bit operating system, and often use custom scripts to simplify routine chores / program my Hauppauge tuner cards for recordings.

37. While I was very good at video games (consoles - my Fraternity days), I never play games on my computer - using it mostly for surfing the web, e-mail, some social networking (occasionally facebook, and online chats with a dear trans friend in Melbourne, Australia), projects, and work.

38. I very rarely have nightmares, but I also hardly ever remember dreaming (what does that indicate?). Of course, everyone dreams, so I guess I am at thankful for the former!

39. I love natural materials - stone, metal, leather, wood ...

40. I have diverse tastes in music: rock, classic rock, classical, jazz (including Big Band and bebop), trance / dance / techno, disco / funk, blues, folk, new world, some western, ... Blues (a favorite) doesn't depress me; equally bewildering (lol), I love the sound of bagpipes ("the pipes"). A particular song can take me back, vividly, to the sights, sounds and memories at any time in my life.

41. While I love live music (jazz, ...), but with a few exceptions, I'd much rather buy a stack of CD's, than spend $50-$150 for a concert ticket.

42. I absolutely love the Pacific Northwest - the climate, forests, and especially the coast - so interesting. It's always felt like "home." I love to walk along along the Pacific Northwest shorelines, flipping over logs and driftwood, looking for semi-precious stones (e.g. topaz), observing the marine life and fauna ... Sandy beaches bore me.

43. I really love my home province (Nova Scotia), but unfortunately I also really dislike snow and cold weather. While I am descended from several generations of Nova Scotians, my ancestors moved there; I didn't. Consequently, my wife and I ultimately moved (1992) to the place in Canada with the mildest winters - Vancouver B.C. It was a great decision.

44. I wish I could fly / pilot a plane or a helicopter. I love sailing, but realistically, I'll never own a boat - far too harsh on the skin (long-term, sigh).

45. I'm a semi-perfectionist - I do everything well, but I do not obsess over the last 5-10%, that can occupy 90-95% of my time. This relates to the following:

46. I bore easily.

47. Little things amuse me, disproportionately. To wit (the following two items):

48. I can sit for hours watching nature around me - flowers, insects, hummingbirds, clouds, insects, ... Perhaps related, I also love to "people-watch."

49. I love too many books and movies to mention. Nevertheless, one of my favorite books is "Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance: An Inquiry Into Values," by Robert M. Pirsig. Among my honorable mentions: "Gödel, Escher, Bach: an Eternal Golden Braid" by Douglas R. Hofstadter. ... Although I practically never read it, if I was in prison and could only have one book I'm pretty sure that it would be the Bible.

50. I wish I was a better artist. ... More "artsy," generally ...

51. I love coffee (dark French Roast; Ethiopian; Sumatra; ...), but I switch to herbal / green / white teas later in the day and evening. I prefer cream in my coffee (with a particular fondness for hazelnut), but I also like my coffee black. I never put sugar into my coffee. I'm also a chocolate lover (but rarely eat it). Add cheesecake to this list - same comment.

52. Reid Flemming *is* the World's Toughest Milkman!

53. I've always been very neat and tidy, my entire life. I can walk in a room, and spot what's been moved, almost instantly. I keep myself clean and well-groomed (including all nails), and I keep my apartment clean and tidy. I never just tossed clothes anywhere; everything has it's place! :-) Likewise, I keep the bathroom as clean as possible.

54. I tend to be a pack rat - a life-long habit that I've been striving to break, with considerable success.

55. Throughout this list, I've listed / indicated a lot of my positive attributes (add: good sense of humor; fun-loving; and - although sometimes difficult - I try to love, unconditionally). Among my faults, however, I can be irritable (especially when tired or hungry), I can be impatient, and I'm too quick to anger (but quick to forgive). As mentioned, I'm seeing a Counselor to work on these latter negative emotions; it's never too late to improve yourself!

56. I'm a huge Survivor fan!! I've thought about applying to be a contestant, but unfortunately they only accept applications from U.S. citizens.

57. The simplest things bring me the greatest joy: a sunny day; a good breakfast; a friendly dog; a good song; flowers; being out in nature; a good cup of coffee; ...

58. While I largely understand the reasons that my wife and I separated, and tend to think that it was for the best (ultimately), I do very much miss her. I'm grateful for the numerous good memories, however.

59. Life isn't easy ... but it doesn't have to be (unnecessarily) difficult.

60. We all have secrets - Sometimes they are rather big secrets, like hiding the desire to be absolutely free to live in your preferred gender! :-)

61. I experience great joy watching / sharing the experiences of those who are "out" for their first time. e.g. attending a transgender support meeting, as their "true self."

62. I believe in / desire for "unconditional love."

63. I love life - we only get one brief shot, and it can end, suddenly. There is so much diversity in our world (inner and outer) awaiting our discovery. Having a perspective on life, and your place in it, is critical: someone *always* has bigger problems / difficulties. Accordingly, despite the occasional struggles, I am truly thankful for what I have, especially friends and those family members who continue to offer their love and support. Although it provides comfort, material possessions don't really mean a lot to me. I can think of no better way to end this list! :-)